Text 27802
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Posted 10 hours ago

someonehelpwillgraham:

“So Hannibal what is for dinner tonight”

[soulja boy voice] “YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU”

via gamefreak108
Text 137506
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Posted 10 hours ago

“When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate. When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, “Ah, yes, that’s Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony, being played backwards.” He listened a while longer, and said, “There’s the Eighth Symphony, and it’s backwards, too. Most puzzling.” So the magistrate kept listening; “There’s the Seventh… the Sixth… the Fifth…” Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, “My fellow citizens, there’s nothing to worry about. It’s just Beethoven decomposing.”

eelster:

sodamnrelatable:

oh my gosh

BEST JOKE.

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THIS JOKE SHALL BE TOLD FOREVER

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😂😂😂😂😂

(Source: caplan)

via averagenarwhal
Photo 376246
Notes
Posted 10 hours ago
dnotive: 4ngelo: theodorepython: miami-tea: The Defibrillator Toaster My mom would be so annoyed… every morning I would run into the kitchen screaming “WE’RE LOSING THEM!!! BEEP BEEP BEEPBEEPBEEP!” “DON’T YOU DIE ON ME, DAMNIT!!!  NURSE, WE NEED 12 CC’S OF CREAM CHEESE, STAT!!!” He’s bread, Jim. Time of deliciousness: 7:15 A.M If we don’t restart his heart , he’s toast!  JESUS CRUST. JAM IT! “Daddy’s in a butter place now, kids.” I WASN’T EVEN GOING TO REBLOG UNTIL I SAW THE SHIT TON OF PUNS HES BREAD JIM JESUS CRUST OMG IT’S BACK

dnotive:

4ngelo:

theodorepython:

miami-tea:

The Defibrillator Toaster

My mom would be so annoyed… every morning I would run into the kitchen screaming “WE’RE LOSING THEM!!! BEEP BEEP BEEPBEEPBEEP!”

“DON’T YOU DIE ON ME, DAMNIT!!!  NURSE, WE NEED 12 CC’S OF CREAM CHEESE, STAT!!!”

He’s bread, Jim.

Time of deliciousness: 7:15 A.M

If we don’t restart his heart , he’s toast! 

JESUS CRUST.

JAM IT!

“Daddy’s in a butter place now, kids.”

I WASN’T EVEN GOING TO REBLOG UNTIL I SAW THE SHIT TON OF PUNS

HES BREAD JIM

JESUS CRUST

OMG IT’S BACK

(Source: secretsbest)

via averagenarwhal
Video 36495
Notes
Posted 10 hours ago

bluekulele:

disneyismyescape:

pybun:

els3n:

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this movie is going to be fantastic. i can tell

I saw it a few months ago at a prescreen.

I can guarantee you it will be the best thing you’ve seen all year.

via gamefreak108
Text 50284
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Posted 10 hours ago

sassymccoy:

no but people with vaginas are so badass okay

because there will inevitably come a point in all of their lives where they wakes up in a pool of their own blood and their reaction will be dammit now i have to do laundry

that is some suave superhero shit and you won’t ever be able to convince me otherwise

via jubilee-pageant-master
Text 20436
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Posted 10 hours ago

bluekulele:

ouyangdan:

theubergrump:

mediocreprincess:

theubergrump:

sometimes I forget that rulers work with tablets and I get really frustrated with my inability to freehand straight lines

I NEVER

REALIZED

YOU COULD DO THIS

BUT IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE

#and you can just trace circles too and use a straight edge and ohmygod my whole world is different now   

omfg for real I thought this was just me?

er, dear artists of Tumblr:

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WHY DID THIS NEVER OCCUR TO ME?

whAT WHY DID I NEVER THINK OF THAT?

via bluekulele
Video 447375
Notes
Posted 12 hours ago

thespacegoat:

• Accidentally close a tab? Ctrl+Shift+T reopens it.
• Bananas release dopamine, eat them when you’re sad.
• CTRL+SHIFT+ESC is the one handed version of CTRL+ALT+DEL
• Don’t brush your teeth hard, it makes them sensitive and removes enamel.
• Don’t like spiders? Put citronella oil on your walls and they will not go there.
• Drink one glass of water for every alcoholic drink you have, you’ll get drunk without getting a hangover.
• Get clear ice cubes by boiling water before freezing it
• Heal paper cuts and immediately stop the pain with chapstick.
• If you accidentally write on your dry erase board with a permanent marker, scribble over it with a dry eraser marker to remove it.
• If your shoes smell, put them in the freezer overnight, it will kill the bacteria. 
• Make bug bites stop itching with a banana peel.
• Make a paper longer with 12-point text, but 14-point periods and commas.
• Need to get around a blocked website at work? Try replacing the http:// with https://
• Never send your resume as a word file (unless asked) Instead, print it to a pdf file, it’s much cleaner and professional looking.
• Pick a flavor of gum you don’t normally chew, and chew it while studying during a test.
• Place a piece of bread in a container with your homemade cookies and  they will stay soft.
• Put a dry towel into a dryer with wet clothes, they will dry faster.
• Put toothpaste on a pimple and it will dry out.
• Practise fake smiling in the mirror every day before going to work/school, you’ll genuinely start to feel happier.
• Rub canola/olive oil on knives before cutting onions, you won’t cry, alternatively chew gum and you won’t either.
• Short on time with a wrinkled dress shirt? Hang it up in the bathroom to steam it flat.
• The night before, place things you don’t want to forget the next morning on top of your shoes.
• Use hydrogen peroxide to remove blood stains from clothing.
• When cleaning windows use newspapers or coffee filters instead of paper towels, they will not leave streaks.
• When microwaving bread products/pizza put a glass of water in with it, it will keep your bread for going spongy.
• When you move into a new place you’re renting, take pictures of any and all damage, then post them on facebook (privately if preferred) so you can use the reference date as proof you didn’t do it.
• When searching plane tickets online delete your cookies prior, prices go up when you visit a site multiple times.

via michaela-addict
Photo 59480
Notes
Posted 12 hours ago
book-titles-for-band-names: intergalacticju: thatnerdybakergirl: crainneag: vardaesque: silvenhorror: gerardandlindseyway: onthesideoftheotters: iamahendrocks: This is an eyeshadow called Nic Cage Raking Leaves On A Brisk October Afternoon. Yes. Really. wow i love that eyeshadow you’re wearing, what’s it called? oh just the nic cage raking leaves on a brisk october afternoon i bought yesterday …and this is basically why everyone should buy from Shiro. Did you know they also put candy in your order? They do. Like srsly. For reals. I got mine. I ate it. (the candy, not the eyeshadow) IM CRYING THEY SELL BATCHES OF LIKE FIRST-TRY BLEND MAKEUP AND THEY’RE ALL JUST CALLED HERP DERP HURR DURR Omg I am IN LOVE with their King under the mountain color but if I ever wore it IT WOULD MAKE ME SO SAD.   their other colors include “No Oscar For Leo Dicaprio” and “Dammit, Moon Moon” SCREAMING I’m guessing a bunch of tumblr users got together to create a make up company. Or through company just hired a bunch of tumblr users. Zoom

book-titles-for-band-names:

intergalacticju:

thatnerdybakergirl:

crainneag:

vardaesque:

silvenhorror:

gerardandlindseyway:

onthesideoftheotters:

iamahendrocks:

This is an eyeshadow called Nic Cage Raking Leaves On A Brisk October Afternoon.

Yes.

Really.

wow i love that eyeshadow you’re wearing, what’s it called?

oh just the nic cage raking leaves on a brisk october afternoon i bought yesterday

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…and this is basically why everyone should buy from Shiro. Did you know they also put candy in your order? They do. Like srsly. For reals. I got mine. I ate it. (the candy, not the eyeshadow)

IM CRYING THEY SELL BATCHES OF LIKE FIRST-TRY BLEND MAKEUP AND THEY’RE ALL JUST CALLED HERP DERP HURR DURR

Omg I am IN LOVE with their King under the mountain color but if I ever wore it IT WOULD MAKE ME SO SAD.  

their other colors include “No Oscar For Leo Dicaprio” and “Dammit, Moon Moon”

SCREAMING

I’m guessing a bunch of tumblr users got together to create a make up company. Or through company just hired a bunch of tumblr users.

via citrusuniverse
Video 137432
Notes
Posted 12 hours ago

elanorpam:

jumpingjacktrash:

rairii:

tai-replog:

catnappe143:

0w0b:

cineraria:

How to Fold a Shirt in Under 2 Seconds - YouTube
伊東家の食卓

I TOOK OFF MY SHIRT JUST TO DO THIS AND I WAS NOT DISSAPPOINTED

new skill acquired

omg.. I was looking for this.
i stopped drawing, got up and tried it out…….. it fucking worked. .___. 
what kinda of black magic is this e A e;

My cousin taught my mom and I this, so now it is awesome to find it in gif form

homg suddenly excited to do laundry

:OOOOOOOOOO!!!

via michaela-addict
Video 39473
Notes
Posted 12 hours ago

aliciaburnett:

zeekubeast:

If you could make your own house motto and sigil, what would they be?

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i think we can all relate to the motto of house bradley-west

I have been waiting for this gif set forever. 

(Source: agenderjolras)

via citrusuniverse
Video 879
Notes
Posted 13 hours ago

(Source: assbutt-timelord)

via citrusuniverse
Text 50549
Notes
Posted 13 hours ago

drinking-for-two:

I had to do a powerpoint on how to solve overpopulation in countries. My powerpoint consisted of one slide that had this gif in it.

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via michaela-addict
Text 28077
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Posted 14 hours ago

cockringtoss:

ibeherpderpin:

highperactive:

cockringtoss:

my dick has a lot in common with the sun

nobody likes looking directly at it?

It gives people cancer?

woAh woah woah

via averagenarwhal
Photo 52342
Notes
Posted 14 hours ago
thefrogman: By Tree [tumblr | twitter] Zoom

thefrogman:

By Tree [tumblr | twitter]

via wilwheaton
Photo 107796
Notes
Posted 14 hours ago
scoutblu: starrypier: MUG CAKE: 5TH ATTEMPT DID IT JUMP OUT OF THE CUP Zoom

scoutblu:

starrypier:

MUG CAKE: 5TH ATTEMPT

DID IT JUMP OUT OF THE CUP

via citrusuniverse